Grandview Counseling

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Dying to Self

“As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with his death — we give over our lives to death. Thus it begins; the cross is not the terrible end to an otherwise god-fearing and happy life, but it meets us at the beginning of our communion with Christ.”

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

Humility is decidedly not an American concept. In fact, humility is often viewed, in America anyways, as weakness. As a capitalist nation the concept of the self has undoubtedly cast off anything even resembling humility, seeking instead the desire to pursue success and self at all costs. Our entire nation has built itself on the concept of the self with the ideas that progress, success and hard work are some of the most important things one can pursue and to do so at any cost. But the Bible suggests a very different picture of the self, one which would seemingly turn conventional wisdom upside down and instead propose quite the opposite type of thinking in its place. Jesus suggested that to follow him we must pick up our cross; the apostle Paul stated that to live is Christ and to die is gain, going on later in the book of Romans to suggest that we must in fact, die to the self. So the question here is simple: what does it actually mean to die to the self? This question will follow with a more challenging one, how do I actually do that and why is it so hard?

Perhaps the simplest answer to understanding this concept of dying to self, is to begin with recognizing that this world we live in, our home planet, earth, is not in fact our home. That is to say, that a life lived apart from God, separate from Him, is not the end goal, the final destination or the complete picture of God’s intentions for humanity. When we consider creation and God’s creation of mankind, we see a picture of closeness with God, relationship with Him within His presence. Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden, spoke with Him in person, and lived according to His plan. This relationship with God that did not yet know sin, was one of harmony and contentment. This relationship lacked worry, fear, anxiety, depression, anger, resentment, stress, or any other negative emotion or experience we could consider. The fall of man brought pain, separation, and ultimately death. This death is separation from God, one which could not be overcome, crossed or solved by any of mankind's efforts, and required God himself to atone for. The problem is that as humans we live and exist in this world, and are therefore born into a life not knowing a close personal relationship with God, never walking in his immediate presence or interacting with Him in the garden. It easy, therefore, for us as humans to accept this separation, this planet, as our home, and miss entirely the fact that a completely dependent relationship with God is something we are designed for, and something our hearts desperately yearn for. What is dying to the self? It is accepting that we were not made for separation from God, to live individual lives driven and controlled by our own wants and needs, but instead made with intention and purpose to pursue Him and live with a God centered perspective.

Philippians 2:3-11 instructs us to, “Consider others as greater than yourselves,” going on to describe that placing the needs and concerns of others above our own is one part of holy and righteous living. The concept is simple and yet profoundly important to our mindset, our perspectives, and our very lives: when we place the needs and wants of others above our own, we choose to live in humility and in an attitude of love. It is interesting to imagine what the the Jewish peoples who lived in and around Jerusalem at the time of Jesus had dreamed up in what their Messiah might look like and act like. Often times as we read scripture we see that many must have presumed that God would send a conquering king to destroy their occupying enemy of Rome and lead them back to the top of the political spectrum of that time. Instead, God sent his only son, wrapped in flesh, who lowered himself to the stature of a servant only a mere hours before his brutal death as he humbly washed the filthy feet of his sinful disciples. I cannot imagine this was the image God’s people had in mind. And yet Christ was profoundly everything needed to provide atonement for the sins of mankind, propitiation to God, expiation for our guilt, and justification for a return to His presence. To live apart from God is death, to return to Him is to die to the self, and to follow in the footsteps of Christ our savior means to take on the attitude and posture of a servant. It is interesting that secular psychology has identified that one of the most powerful tools found to reduce depression symptoms by a clinically significant and notable amount is to engage in volunteer activities that serve others. If we are to die to self, then one of the most important attitudes we can take on is to consider others as greater than ourselves.

To choose to live our lives for ourselves is ultimately to live a life that is self-indulgent, self-focused, self-caring, self-isolating, self-centered and yes, selfish. By our creators design, it is not good for us to be alone. We were designed and created for connection, for loving and serving others, and ultimately, for loving and serving God. To live for ourselves is to waste one of the greatest gifts we have been given, the freedom of humility. It is here in this humility that we experience communion with Christ, connection and intimacy with him, and the freedom to then walk into the presence of God without fear of condemnation. May we live each day with the attitude of a servant, following in the footsteps of Christ, and find relationship with God that was once severed by sin but has no and forever been atoned for by the blood of Christ.