The stages of grief are more like observations of how the human heart responds to grief, not a solution for the grief. This truth in turn ultimately leads us to the question, what then should we do in times of grief? The answer is found in an often avoided topic and unappreciated word we call lament.

Grief is not considerate of our thoughts, our emotions, how tired we are or of what we need. It does not ask our opinion or offer a road map through it’s winding roads, nor does it offer an ETA to it’s conclusion. Grief, it would seem, is disorienting.

Often times the cutting of branches in our lives is evidenced through suffering and pain. It is the losses we experience that are often the evidences of God’s pruning in our lives, be it the loss of a loved one, a personal freedom, a sacred possession, an identity, a job or career, a relationship, or any other thing to which we hold dear. You see beloved reader, our hearts were made for one singular purpose and that is the worship of the one true God.

Control is not a word we often think of or associate with anxiety, but in truth control is often the primary issue behind cortex based anxiety. Put another way, our struggles with control and attempts to maintain control over our reality often create increasing levels of anxiety that can eventually manifest in panic attacks.

Where we find hope is a question of deep importance. If I were to ask you, “where do you find hope?”, I wonder how you would answer. The truth is that many times in counseling sessions I ask clients similar questions and many people simply cannot answer that question.

Neither the shrub nor the tree have reason to hope in themselves. They cannot sustain themselves, and they cannot provide for themselves. Therefore their hope is found in the living water which provides for them. If the shrub in the desert had the capacity to sustain itself, it would have no reason to fear, no reason to dread, no reason to live outside of its own existence.

You, my dear friend, are much like a jigsaw puzzle. You have many pieces, each individually carved out and shaped by a loving creator to fit intricately into it’s corresponding pieces. The sum of all of these pieces tells the story of you; a you that was loving made by a loving God.

You and I have this unfortunate habit of thinking that to change or overcome something, we must be able to face it, stare it down, and not give into it. But if that was conventional wisdom or in any way accurate, alcoholics would be encouraged to visit bars with regularity, drug addicts would be encouraged to keep their dealers on speed dial, and those trying to lose weight would be encouraged to fill our pantries with high fat-content sugary snacks.

There is a dangerous temptation which faces us during seasons such as this, to continue to walk the same path we are on without thought of what we ought to do instead. So instead of letting the busyness of this season drag us exhaustively into the next, may we instead pause, reflect, and grow into this next year.

Our hearts are wired for gratitude, but we must practice this each and every day. There is a choice within each of us to praise and thank God, or to focus on our circumstances, on the gift rather than the giver.

Fear is hardwired into our brains and bodies, a sort of protective system designed to react to danger and flee from harm. So why is it then, that such a universal human experience, can be so inaccurate?

It is in humility that we experience communion with Christ, connection and intimacy with him, and the freedom to then walk into the presence of God without fear of condemnation

The human heart is a fickle thing. Like a wave tossed in the ocean, the prophet Jeremiah laments, “the heart of man is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?” That sick heart within us, which strives for independence and chooses itself first, is the answer to the question, “how did I get here?”

The problem of pain may try convincingly to deceive us with such lies that God is cruel or unjust, or perhaps unable to provide rescue. Yet we can rest in the truth of scripture that instructs otherwise.

We are children of God, loved more than we could ever imagine or comprehend. While we may wander from that truth, and attempt to identify ourselves as our career, our relationships, our sexuality, and many other things, those individual pieces could never capture the enormity of an almighty God.

Every person who has ever lived has asked the question, “Who Am I?” How we answer that question might ultimately be one of the most important decisions we make.

Shame attacks the very truth of who we were created to be, and does so in a manner that often convinces us that it is in fact the truth.

The heart is a deeply important concept for us to comprehend as we seek meaningful change in life. The very essence of who we are as humans might be understood as a heart that bears the image of its creator, that is made sick by sin and separation from God, and made whole in its reunification with its designer.

For children who experience trauma, especially repeated trauma, their brains become hardwired to respond in fight, flight or freeze.

The beauty of attachment is that it applies to all people, of all ages; that is to say that every one of us has an attachment style, but many are unaware of what it might be.